Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
