Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
