i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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