boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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