the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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