you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Randomize
