I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
