have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
