it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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