Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
