i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
