thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
