I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
