3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
