I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
