I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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