apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
