I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Randomize
