it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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