he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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