fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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