Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I'm passing your future prison.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
