he looks like a really good dad on facebook
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
