You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
