Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
