I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
