Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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