took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
