So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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