Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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