Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
