You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
