a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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