I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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