I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
