did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
