sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
