she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I am spending my child support on dildos
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
