Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
