but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
