When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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