If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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