my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize