I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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