no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
