At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
