marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
