btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
