ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
