Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
