i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
where are you?
Hypothermia
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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