I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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