dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
